Post SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host
by ASBusinessMagnet
Summary: Sequel to Post-SCrash Session. Janet, Jack, Roxa and Dick are now at the Capitol, but are they the only ones trying to piece the truth? And what happened to the Earth anyway?
1. Meeting the Special Guests

_Seriously Written Note: You just know that when I insert calculus in the middle of a fanfic I don't really want to write anything for quite a time._

_Anyways. You heard Marrissa's side of the story. You heard Skepness Man's side of the story. (If you didn't, look up Enchiridion Marrissa.) Now it's time for Janet's side of the story._

* * *

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 1: Meeting the Special Guests

* * *

Hi my name is Janet Roberts and I just arrived at this really cool place called "The Severe Forth Hunger Games". I came there from the future Earth because it was destroyed by the Red Miles and you know this shit from Post-SCrash Session 1 (sea I'm following up to Marrissa's legacy because she didn't even tell her name in The Marrissa Games).

So when I arrived Dick was quick to comfort me with hearing Marrissa's TOTALLY EPIC score but then he forgot to drive the car and we crashed into some place. Luckily the car had autobrakes so when it landed it immediately stopped so we didn't actually crash. The place was green and green and even more green and there were 25 platforms and a black building that looked like the Sydney Opera House. We walked in and there was allot of food and weapons so we 8 a part of it because 8ing local food is part of the immersion.

We totes didn't know what was going on so we stepped on the platforms and they decended to some dark rooms that looked like bedrooms. But that meant I was separated from Dick, Roxa and Jack so I was on my own and walked around. There was quite a few rooms and workers and one journalist stepped up to talk to me. "Hello Imma Skepness Man connoiseur of multiple fandoms and the author of Portal: The Fourth-World, Įstrigę of the Learned and The Haunted Herbert wanna give an interview?" It was… SKEPNESS MAN!

"I guess I'm Janet Roberts and I have no idea what this is about could you give me a tour?" I said really slowly and then he began his newspost "You see I'm an explorer too and don't know quite much but here's the main gist. As I have collected information this is the site of the 74th Hunger Games a few days before they began. The 74th Hunger Games are well known for the debut of Marrissa Roberts, a powerful human who saved and destroyed the world at the same time. Among other futures it was the only "conjoined" Hunger Games, as it occurred simultaneously with the 240 zombie contest 75th Hunger Games. That is all I have collected on the matter, do you want to hear more about a) Marrissa Roberts or b) the Hunger Games in general?"

"Actually show me the way out." I retorted understanding absolutely nothing and Skepness Man complied. We followed confusing hallways kind of like the MarrissaTheWriter Family Tree 3.0.0 and when the last door was opened we were shown the crystal blues of the Capitol. Once I was outside I was amazed by the colors of the buildings and people and things and mockingjays and didn't notice Skepness Man leave. It was okay though since he was kind of annoying.

As I was walking down the streets I was even more confused because I knew no one and I had never gone to the past before. People just passed by and with all the colors I started going blurry and walked into random empty corners as I couldn't walk and passed out.

"Janet Roberts? Answer me!" I woke up to the familiar voice of Dick Stiller and asked him "How long has it been?" "I dunno but they're doing the interviews you must check it out!" A TV happened in the distance and I heard a shitty rock song about falmer trollz and I couldn't make out the rest of the words. I was still blurry from all the Capitol colors and just wanted a rest but, Dick gathered me into even more obscure places with literally no people so I was safe.

"You stand here for a while I'll go find Roxa and Jack. I need to make sure they alright, kay?" Dick comforted me and left so I looked around. The colors of the buildings had greatly diminished and I could see clearly so I looked around but then a rusty BMW drove straight across me. I jumped into a building and bounced like a volleyball and the rusty BMW drew to the other side. I knew I was startled for good as I was on a low roof and saw a spare mobile phone so I got on BettyBother and looked around the contacts. They were of no use for me so I deleted them all and added Dick Roxa and, Jake. None were actually online so I decided that was a waste of time so I jumped back down and waited for Dick a bit more.

But then… THE SAME RUSTY BMW HEADED TO THE OTHER SIDE! I wasn't going to be a scared little girl anymore so I charged an EMP from the phone which I had found and it made a hole and the rusty BMW falled into that hall. I was relaxed with relief and sighed but then I noticed Dick coming.

"Sorry couldn't find them but oh hey what's that?" He pointed at my phone so I briefly gave it to him and peered into that hole but saw two hair strands that I didn't have and someone pestered me.

- artifiocularGambler [AG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] -

AG: Meanie Pixies, I immediately demand your glu88ing attention!  
AG: The Earth has 8een ravaged 8y the Red Miles and you're probably in trouble!

I stopped peering at the hole and looked at Dirk who was a little scared by AG's attitude but then I wasn't the one staring at him.

It was something else.

TO BE CONTINUED!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW NOW THAT THAT MEANIE PIXIES IS STANDING IN FRONT OF DICK? FIND OUT SOON!


	2. Belorussians Reunited

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 2: Belorussians Reunited

* * *

So I was Meanie Pixies and I was ripped off from the dream bubble world to wherever the sucker was. When I was fully realized in the new continuity I immediately saw one of those DUMB HUMANS so he got a JeerLeader message.

GG: Dick Stiller here, you got the wrong person.  
AG: Oh Merlin LeJoin! You here too? Immediately respond to me!

And when she said that the human transformed into one of my former comrades, Merlin LeJoin! "Merlin! I didn't recognize you!" I said but she was a death so she didn't here me and I was quietly disappointed. So I instead took a piece of her phone and wrote the same phrase of "Merlin!" etc. phrase but then the phone stopped working so I had to think of anything else.

But before I could do the anything in question there was a different human guy! He wasn't one of us in disguise and he spoke really fastly like the newspeople. "Hello Imma Skepness Man connoiseur of multiple fandoms and the author of Portal: The Fourth-World, Įstrigę of the Learned and The Haunted Herbert wanna give an interview?" "Oh sure I'm Meanie Pixies and"- I stopped for a while to overthink what I was going to say(-il) and continued "I'm piecing together my comrades from Belarus want me to give a list of them?" "I don't know how that will help me write my essay but okay." Skepness Man retorted and I began.

"Over here you can see Merlin LeJoin, who I already found. Among others are Doormat Medigo, Roughie Nitrogen, Mitt Romney Cape-Torn, Cranky Vasquez, Parrot Martini, Lately Pirate, Aranna Sorket, Whores the Hock, Curlbent Smacker, Chronos Ampersand and I myself am Meanie Pixies." "Any talks to anyone?" "Oh Aranna contacted us on this phone but it's off." Skepness Man took the phone and it magically turned off in his hand. He then pressed a few buttons and saw a bunch of numbers those were Aranna's coordinates! "Let's go." He said all skeptically and businesslike since he was taking after his parents and then we jumped into the hole.

Over thehole there was a rusty BMW so we sat into it and drove along the long tunnel. At the end of the tunnel we passed a flash and the tunnel became all different. Skepness Man then took off and we climbed a ladder to what looked like an early hallway and right there was the exit to the building. But then Skepness Man instead charged to the third floor hallway where a girl in _la robe bleue_ but she was sleeping so I took the phone that was rightly mine from Skepness Man and waited a bit. She still didn't woke up so I blared her with her own Pesterchum and she finally woke up. "Meanie? Merlin? You're alive!" she shouted and hugged me like the dumb nerd that she is.

"I had the worst night mare." She began "The Earth was destroyed by the Red Miles and you were died!" But just as Aranna said that Skepness Man began monotoning. "Actually, you were right and the Earth was destroyed by the Red Miles. I traced four non-falmer humans, Janet Roberts, Jack London, Roxee Lovonde and Dick Stiller who escaped from the time to the Capitol. I actually succeeded in meeting Janet and Dick, just as quickly as I found them, I lost them."

"We're right here." A couple of dumb humans said they were Janet and Dick! "WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE" Skepness Man shouted but then someone angry came to us it was... Principal Business Man! "There shall be no shouting in my school! I want you to sit detention" he said going away with Skepness Man so we were left alone.

"I wish the exposition guy could tell us about this place." Janet sadded but Aranna said "I can tell you about this place! It's called Portal High School and it was taken over by Principal Business Man who was just here and everything after he took over was bad especially Mr. Sanpe is angry that he was demoted and to put him off Business Man has to be even angrier and everyone including me is suffering."

"This is going to be a rough day." Janet and Dick said together.

* * *

Meanwhile in the Capitol Roxa Lavigne and Jack London where navigating the mazes of the Arena underground and couldn't find a way out. But then in the hallway someone appeared and unfortunately it wasn't Skepness Man. It was... SENTINEL CRANE! "The fuck are you doing here the Hunger Games are beginning!" He said and injected Roxa and Jack with a needle it was... THE TRIBUTE TRACKERS! "Here now you're tributes now go game!" "But-" "No buts! Go. The time is running." Roxa and Jack ran back to their platforms and rose back to the Sydney Opera House but they weren't alone there were other tributes like Marrissa Roberts ad Primrose Evergreen and Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater.

"So we're in the Hunger Games?" Jack asked "yes" Roxa meaned and Sentinel Crane began counting "ten nine something something one now go kill each other." Roxa and Jack ran to the opposite side because they didn't want to be killed and as they ran blood streams and arrows were flying out of the black building. Roxa and Jack continued running and got tierd and got to rest but then they saw a star in the sky it was... Dick's delirious time car! The District 10 guy was in it and was flying away. "Bye suckers!" He shouted to everyone below but then he crashed into an electric glass wall cage and the car fell down like a meteor and crashed and started a forest fire and the guy burned down in ashes.

"Oh for the love of." Roxa and Jack said together.

* * *

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ALPHA KIDS? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WILL THEY DIE? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!


	3. Aranna Sorket in the Future

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 3: Aranna Sorket, Colloquial Coursesetter (Future Edition)

* * *

So I am Aranna Sorket and recently two exchange students named Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller had recently come to Portal High School. I wanted to introduce them a bit more but then someone messaged me it was… Lately Pirate!

- gamergirlCourtjester [GC] began cheering artifiocularGambler [AG] -

GC: sup gurl  
GC: b3l4rus got 1nto th3 3urov1s1on song cont3st f1n4ls! 4r3nt you 3xc1ted?  
AG: You know I'm a true p8riot of my planet and you know it.  
GC: w3ll  
GC: your n3ws?  
AG: Two new exchange students.  
AG: Janet Ro8erts and Dick Stiller.  
GC: but 4rry  
GC: you 4lw4ys told us th3y w3r3 our comr4d3s 1n d1sgu1s3  
GC: yno m3an1e p1x13s?  
GC: m3rl1n l3jo1n?  
AG: Mmm?  
GC: you r34d 1t 1n 3nch1r1d1on m4rr1ss4 dont you r3m3mb3r?  
AG: Non, je suis pardon.  
GC: 4lso wh4ts w1th your g1bb3r1sh? c4nt you sp34k norm4lly?

- artifiocularGambler [AG] blocked gamergirlCourtjester [GC] -

I stared blankly at the screen. Aranna Sorket couldn't do this. But just as then Mr. Sanpe came into my body and asked to me "Lately Pirate, explain me. You're not even in our lists, what are you doing in Portal High School?" "Uhhh" I blurred and Mr. Sanpe continued "I want you to see Principal Business Man. Now." We both walked to Principal Business Man's room but as it turned out Skepness Man had talked to him so much both were spacing out and talking to each other so Mr. Sanpe snapped and both stopped.

"Principal Business Man, I found a rogue person pretending to be a student. Her name is Lately Pirate. I w-" But then Skepness Man interrupted us "Lately Pirate? Isn't she one of the people Meanie was trying to reunite? I must report to Meanie Pixies immediately" and Principal Business Man observed and said "Meanie Pixies? The fuck are you talking about? I only see Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller as recent newbies" and he watched as in his screen Janet painfully mutated into Meanie and then back to Janet again.

Principal Business Man was watching the whole of it and wanted to shout "WHAT THE FUCK" but he didn't because Skepness Man's reaction of this descended from his mother. Principal Business Man simply said "It appears whenever we say the names of Specimen 1 and Specimen 2 they mutate into each other." "Don't you mean-" "Stop. Stop whatever you're doing." Mr. Sanpe left disappointed but I remained and watched Principal Business Man and Skepness Man's discussion because of genuine interest.

"Allright, so whenever I say Specimen 2's name when Specimen 1 is watching Specimen 1 mutates into Specimen 2 and vice versa." "Yes, you understood me." I then interrupted "Can you stop speaking Specimen Skepness-" "There is an audible difference between "Specimen" and "Skepness". I grew up with the falmer trollz, I should know such stuff."

I kept being dismembered. "What are falmer trollz?" and unfortunately Principal Business Man remembered why he was here. "Lately Pirate, please stop the discussion. Now, you're not on the lists, Skepness Man is shouting during class, Mr. Sanpe wants me out and after one year principaling Portal High School my IQ already dropped by 10 points. It would be very kind of you to just leave me alone in contemplation." I and Skepness Man left Principal Business Man's office and with me following him were at the extended underground part of Portal High School.

"I know what you're feeling. I never attended a single lesson and I already think Portal High School was horrible." "Then again I almost managed to seduce Principal Business Man… you know, it doesn't even matter." We both sat into his rusty BMW and started to go along the long tunnel that ended up having a flash and much later a hole. "It's just complicated. I really can't find a time and place appropriate for me." The rusty BMW jumped out of the hole and flashed again and landed on one of the colorful buildings of the Capitol.

I and Skepness Man stepped out and embraced the wonderful poetic world that we saw. The city to who we had had arrived had a quick end and there was a green glass dome. As we sat back in (we sat back in so our car wouldn't be stolen like Dick Stiller's one) our minds began drifting into different places.

MEANWHILE AT ROXA LAVIGNE'S AND JACK LONDON'S PLACE

Roxa Lavigne and Jack London blankly watched the forest fire, thinking "how are we going to get out of this". But then they saw something it was… ZOMBIE ASHES OF THE 10TH DISTRICT TRIBUTE GUY! _(Seriously Written Note: I forgot to write "and the ashes died" in the last chapter, that's what they saw.)_ Jack fired a few pistols at the ashes but they kept walking so Roxa uncaptchalogued a water bucket and threw it at the ashes. The ashes spazzed out then crumbled and each ash particle died emitting a short shout and the overall shout was quite long.

"Well, we dodged that pistol" Jack thought but then he saw that the forest fire dissipated and there was a hole in the glass cage. First Roxa and Jack walked to the remains of the delirious time car and captchalogued its time box. Then they tried to walk outside but Sentinel Crane said "not so fast" and closed the cage. Roxa and Jack crashed into it and saw some people laughing. Then a tribute threw a pistol but it ended up shooting far up in the air and it hit the Sydney Opera House as another tribute was eating and they choked on a bullet and died.

But because Roxa and Jack had the time box they were cleverer. They switched to a minute ago and escaped anyway so on the other side they watched their dumb clones hit the glass cage. Roxa and Jack let a laugh as a pistol ricochetdd off the cage and then charged further into the forest outside the games and had a whole brave new city world appear in their skyline.

* * *

WHAT A PLOT TWIST! EXCEPT NOW WHAT? WAIT FOR A NEW CHAPTER TO FIGURE OUT!


	4. Portal High School, Class of 1980 AG

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 4: Portal High School, Class of 1980 AG

* * *

Just in case you are lost, I am Janet Roberts and our mission with Dick Stiller is to return to The Capitol. We began our mission with Dick deciding that a befitting tune would be _Savoir de la Dreaming Dead_ and with it going on we walked towards Principal Business Man's office when someone encountered us it was… AVRIL LAVIGNE AS A TEENAGER!

"Roxa Lavigne?" I spoke "Who the hell is Roxa Lavigne I am very clearly AVRIL Lavigne though Roxa Lavigne sounds like a good name for a daughter of mine." Avril said and began playing her own tune so with _Savoir de la Dreaming Dead_ still following us we entered Principal Business Man and he did a "stop" gesture.

"Calm down!" Principal Business Man began "No one's going to turn you into aliens who are not aware of you. As long as you're in my office you're perfectly fine." We both did a question mark smiley because it turns out even my Dick is clueless about these stupid assholes but then Principal Business Man changed the subject. "Skepness Man told me about something and you've simply GOT to check it out." He pulled out a whiteboard

"Whiteboard? What the hell is a whiteboard?" I asked my Dick and he said "Oh it's like a blackboard except white." That answer satisfied me so we watched as Principal Business Man drew a line and marked a few points of it he named 0, 1980, 2211 and 2624 and gleefully said. "This is our entire history. From Gloria Deschanel to the Red Miles."

"The Red Miles? Where are they?" My Dick and Principal Business Man were both weirded out and said in onion son. "Well obviously they're at 2624." "But I thought we lived in 413 post-Condensation." "I'll explain everything. 2211 is the point in our line where Candacension Pixies took over Critics United. But then it becomes a new 0" and he wrote another numbers beside 2211 and 2624 in red which were 0 and 413. "And as such you think you live in 413. And right now you are" Dick said "1980, right?" "Yes. Nineteen eighty Anno Glorii."

"Where is Marrissa?" I asked as I am a huge Marrissa fangirl and actually wanted to see Marrissa on my lifetime time travel trip. "At precisely what point in her life?" Principal Business Man asked back "The 74th Hunger Games" "Oh" He noted a new point between 1980 and 2211 that he named 2174. "Right here."

"Truly a wonderful invention." Principal Business Man said after a pause and me, Dick and him were sitting for really long and staring at the whiteboard. I was having a thought about "how am I going to get back to this precise time" when someone came in it was… SKEP KATTY AND SKEPNESS MAN! "I have a confession for you…" Skep Katty said. "I am a boy!"

I stared long enough at the sister- I mean brother of Roxa Lavigne as he said "It turns out that you can identify as the wrong gender for a few years and even with a kid I could realize that I simply can't be a girl so I had a surgery done. And I am a boy." Skepness Man stared in fabricated shock as he had already heard this from his father No. 2 but then noticed the whiteboard.

"You explaining Anno Glorii?" "Is that what the system is called?" I asked "Yes. As the creator of the system, I can reveal its origins. When visiting other universes I noticed that almost always and fundamentally they had a calendar system. They consistently number years from a sufficiently early point. One particularly dominating system, from a universe from which, as it turns out, I stole the terms "ITS MY LIFE!", "TEEN FORTRESS 2" and "THE MARRISSA GAMES", was named "Anno Domini" based on their counterpart of Jesus Christ. I thought deeply about it and then returned to this universe and went to the earliest point I could think of. Its locals were all telling me about how Gloria Deschanel gave them a second life so I concluded that Gloria was our own personal Jesus Christ, and hence I adopted the name "Anno Glorii". As well as figures of speech such as "for the love of Gloria Deschanel", but that is for a third story. The second story was the origins of Anno Glorii and the first story… wait, what was the first story again?"

"Hello? Did you already forget my shocking revelation?" Skep Katty asked him "Yes miss" "It's mister you dipshit. You can dill dally and think of clever things but you can't even get it right that I AM A GUY" she shouted.

"You too Janet. Say "he shouted" immediately" he said and I immediately adjusted my mindset about the brother of Roxa Lavigne. "And that was the first story too you DIPSHIT" HE shouted and Skepness Man suddenly realized it to as he was asleep with one half (geddit) of his brain and said "But then who am I going to visit on Mother's Day?" when someone pestered him.

- harmlessExcellence [HE] began bothering mysteryscience Skepticalmagnet [MS] -

HE: I can be your mother.  
MS: but you are a guy too.  
HE: Am not.  
MS: you are; it's clearly there and I can see it.

- harmlessExcellence [HE] awkward silence -  
- harmlessExcellence [HE] except the awkward silence is filled with chewing gum sounds -

HE: Oh now I see.  
HE: My messages are prefaced with he so you think I am a he.  
HE: Well good news is when I am your mother you wont have such thoughts.

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: Should I mention who harmlessExcellence is or can you figure it out on your own?_

_By the way, every single use of French in this fanfic was wrong. "_La robe bleue_" is supposed to be "_une robe bleue_", "_je suis pardon_" is supposed to be "_je suis désolé_" and "_Savoir de la Dreaming Dead_" literally translates to "To Know of the (Dreaming Dead)"._


	5. A Brave New World

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**  
Chapter 5: A Brave New World

* * *

So I am Roxa Lavigne and me and Jack London stepped into the colorful city. On the first street immediately a stranger showed up and said "You're tributes! What are you doing here?" "Nope we are not" Then the stranger pointed a laser reader at us "Yes you are I have it confirmed you have the tribute trackers." "Okay Sentinel Crane injected us with needles but it was last minute" The stranger gave us WTF feces and we continued further.

On our further journey we noticed an off detail. Even though the Capitol was ALL ABOUT color and nothing even remotely grayscale or sepia appeared in Critics United's image a rusty BMW passed along the way anyway. We continued our journey to nowhere in particular not noting the inconsequential detail but then a guy happened.

"Hello Imma Skepness Man connoiseur of multiple fandoms and the author of Portal: The Fourth-World, Įstrigę of the Learned and The Haunted Herbert wanna give an interview?" I began "I'm Roxa Lavigne and apparently I am a Hunger Games tribute even when I am not. Same goes for this fellow here Jack London" Jack did a smile and Skepness Man continued "Now I see. Anything you would like to know about?"

"We have come here from a future in which the Earth was destroyed and we need to stay here." "The hell? You can't just be a chronomad like me?" "The fuck is a chronomad?" Jack asked "I have visited many places and times but don't have a favorite. Whenever my time machine is parked, _la position et le temps sont mon maison._ The place and the time are my home. I do not know why I keep lapsing into this foreign language."

We then simply walked past the idiot who thinks speaking in a foreign language makes him smarter and further into the color. We were in a rush because Sentinel Crane could launch an attack at us at any time but then we encountered a place. It had science stuff alongside with colors and immediately a needle sucked into both of us and drained all of our blood so I passed out.

When I woke up I didn't feel any different but I noticed a visit card in my pocket. I immediately threw it out but then a familiar stranger noticed us. "It's the tributes! I need to report to Sentinel Crane!" He phoned Sentinel but he demanded a laser scan so he pointed it at us. "Not tributes? Unbelievable" the stranger said and tried to scan us again but his laser reader exploded in his face crashing him into a building. The residents of the building immediately went out dragged the stranger out but then another explosion turned the residents and the stranger into pure electricity. Then the electricity sparkled for a bit and died leabing behind an acid which dug a hole in the asphalt and the Critics United robots came along and fixed the hole.

I high-fived Jack and we stepped into the building ready to begin our new lives.

* * *

MEANWHILE IN PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL

MS: the problem is  
MS: unless you show up in person you're as good as a he.  
MS: or as no one.  
MS: i mean i can clearly see my both fathers  
MS: but you're just text.

When Skepness Man typed this I (Janet Roberts) suddenly someone came in. She had blond hair and a karate suit and several strands of blue hair and she had been chewing chewing gum. "Well who's just text now?" She said and walked off with Skepness Man. Skep Katty cried over the loss of his child and and he went off as well and I exited with Dick Stiller because we were following Skepness Man because only he could help us get back to The Capitol.

"Hey who the hell is she?" I asked but I didn't get a response. Hence I needed to figure it out myself with my sleuthimg abilities.

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: You all thought that after Insane Guy of DOOM himself commented on my Marrissa MST I was going to continue it. I also thought so. I guess that we all make wrong predictions at times._


	6. Before the Beginning and After the End

_Seriously Written Note: From a correspondence between me and Insane Guy of DOOM (aka the original Marrissa):_

I never would guess that ANYONE would attempt to become the mother of a chronomad (as Skepness Man calls himself.) Just imagine that whenever Skepness Man leaves home, Violet (or anyone really) asks him where is he going to and when will he return.

_You can go home now. The entire harmlessExcellence scene was just a dream Skepness Man had. Now let's see how it's going for Cantaloupe and California._

* * *

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 6: Before the Beginning and After the End

* * *

Oh hey! Cantaloupe here. One of the two last cherub trolls. The other being my brother California, but he's a huge asshole so that is less important, just in case. We were stuck in our underground hideout and I messaged my Janey for a while but then something was up. Up in the skies something was burning, but our hideout was right above a wasteland so the only thing that could be burning was the entire Earth.

But then suddenly the Earth stopped burning. While California was replaying our last chess match and trying to figure out why precisely is he a bad chess player I went to investigation because my Janey was inflecting me. The Earth looked just as huge a wasteland as it was but then I noticed a city in the background that wasn't there.

I went to the city and there were buildings from all around the world. I could see a seventy-sixth Cornucopia slammed right next to the Mona Lisa Church and that Russian spiral-ey building. I walked further and saw an igloo right on top of the Empire State Tower and a pyramid which had a clock on each side. I wondered what place on Earth this was, just in case, but then a green guy walked to me. "It's the Sylph of Space! Nice to meet you!" It was... THE LEPRECHAUNS!

"Actually, I would prefer if you called me Cantaloupe." I said. I could reveal my name because there was no chance California was going to find me and sue me for breaking the rules of The Game, just in case. "Well, Cantaloupe, we cannot overstate how much we waited for you! Please, have a seat." The leprechaun guided (geddit like Guidestuck) me into one of the buildings and we had a nice tea party that was nice.

"First of all, though, I want it to be explained to me why I am so waited for." "It's a prophecy. We lived in this planet and were the only inhabitants for tens of thousands of sweeps, and we long awaited the day when our planet's shell would spawn life all anew, showing us the Sylph of Space and the Knight of Time." "The Knight of Time?" "You know, the other guy who lives with you."

"YOu JUST ASSuMED THAT I WAS A GuY." I immediately ran to the dressing room and changed my boring guy-like suit into a beautiful black dress with white sparkles and a snake belt. I also got my candy corn horn replicas and grey skin powder that I use for my cosplay and I immediately got covered in them (but before putting on the dress so I didn't mess it up) so no one would recognize me. Except for California, that is, because I'm so predictable, but he's a moron who can't win against me in chess so that will be good enough, just in case.

The same leprechaun saw me walk out and said "Who the hell is this lady douchebag? And where's Cantaloupe?" but I was running into the city and away from my home. Eventually the city ended and all it dissipated into was a clay hut that led into a cave. I disappeared into the cave and I found a crafting box and a chest with food supplies for a year and a furnace and a dispenser and a bed and a cake and a box thing that spawned zombies I could use as my army.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"_HEY DOUCHEBAG. WHERE IS MY SISTER._" California shouted to his mock chess set's (we have two chess sets: one with which we play and one which California uses for practice) pawn because he always shouts. The pawn didn't say anything as he's just a game piece and California repeated his shout. "_I NEED YOU TO TELL ME IMMEDIATELY. I AM GOING TO KILL HER FOR RUNNING AWAY._" But then someone knocked on the door. "_THANK GOD._" He shouted thinking it was me but it wasn't me. It was one of the leprechauns!

"Dear Knight of Time, it would be very kind of you to just not shout. We are trying to sleep. Thanks, your leprechaun friend." "_MY NAME IS NOT KNIGHT OF TIME. AND I DO NOT HAVE A LEPRECHAUN FRIEND. NOW PLEASE FUCK OFF AND DO NOT DISTURB ME IN SEARCH OF MY SISTER._" "You're not searching for your sister. You're just shouting at a chess set. Hey, speaking of which, up to a game of chess?" "_OH YES. I AM THE MASTER OF CHESS._" They took roles and California was white while the leprechaun was black. The game turned out like this:

1. f3 e5 2. g4 Qh4#

"The hell? Really?" the leprechaun said leaving California's home while California was staring in shock at the board. I am actually not that good at chess and have never won against my brother in 2 moves so he stared at the pieces for an entire hour and then shouted.

"_WHAT. THE FUCK._"

But the leprechaun didn't entirely leave and responded in a high-pitched voice: "I am just a checkmated king! It's really the Knight of Time who is an idiot and needs to learn to play chess!"

"_I THOUGHT THAT I SAID. THAT I WAS NOT KNIGHT OF TIME._" The leprechaun then returned. "Well, what about the king's offer?" "_TEACH ME. I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO LEARN TO BEAT MY SISTER IN CHESS. THAT IS. BEFORE I KILL HER._" "But Cantaloupe is vital to our session! I cannot let you kill her!" "_HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME. DID SHE TELL YOU._" "Yes. I called her "the Sylph of Space" and then she told me the name."

"_GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT_."

Then there was a pause and Caliborn said to me. "_FINE. I WILL NOT KILL HER. JUST TEACH ME THIS GAME WHICH IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN _THE GAME_ WHICH I WAS PLAYING WITH HER."_

* * *

IS THIS NEW CANTALOUPE AND CALIFORNIA ARC OKAY? I THINK THAT YOU JUST WANT MORE CLASSICAL MARRISSA CHARACTERS BUT I STARTED TO THINK THEY'RE SO BORING. LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEWS, OKAY?


	7. A Cold Landing

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 7: A Cold Landing

* * *

We four (Janet Roberts, Dick Stiller, Skepness Man and some fourth person) "I'm not "fourth". I am always the _first_. The champion. The winner. And you'd better get it correctly." were walking quite a distance. The sun was setting in the distance and the people were diminishing and we passed city by city by city and I realized how boring people are. I almost forgot about my sleuthing missions when we finally arrived in the only dark building in a town. "Good ol' Tbilisi, Georgia." We suddenly noticed that Skepness Man had passed out from time-travelling for so damn long and only ever landing in daytime so we came into the house and I turned on the lights.

I _immediately_ was blinded by the gold. It wasn't like the Capitol where everything was a different color, now everything was in gold. There were statues and cups and different stuff that could only potentially be won. "Holy shit you sure got a lot of trophies" "2107 and counting" As we put Skepness Man on one of the couches I picked of one the trophies up and saw a name inscription on one of them reading "Awarded to Violet Beauregarde."

"Holy shit I figured it out!" I said but in other room so Skepness Man didn't hear me and didn't woke up. "Figured what out?" Violet asked "You're Violet Beauregarde!" "And?" "Some guy out there outside of our world is running a contest _(Seriously Written Note: No, I'm not.)_ and the person who figures out your identity gets to write a story chapter for this story!" "Don't joke around. If there was such a contest I would have won it long before "this story" even began." She spit a chewing gum piece at me and it hit me in the mouth and I started choking. Luckily I spit the piece back to her but it didn't hit anyone and it sort of just fell on the floor.

"Also, when will I be able to return to The Capitol?" I said but then Violet shut the lights off.

* * *

When she turned the lights back on I noticed something on my wrist. It was a clock but it didn't just show time. No, I could see the entire credentials of this spot: 1980.01.18 07:14:11. Then I noticed Skepness Man lying besides me and he started whispering. "I had a horrible nightmare... Skepkitty was a guy... and I needed a new mother..." "Well, you're safe and sound now, back in the hands of the greatest ever Miss Beauregarde." "_Miss Beauregarde?_" Skepness Man suddenly woke up and noticed me "You've got my clock! I never gave it to you!" Then Violet spoke up from the ceiling "Where you're going, you won't be needing it." "What! Explain to me. Where am I going." I was left dumbfounded but Violet knew all the answers.

"Portal High School. I learned all about your time traversals and want you to behave yourself for once. Do you understand me?" I told Skepness Man "Say yes. This girl is very strict." "The fuck is- Since when are _you_ commanding me? I AM ABOVE YOUR ENTIRE WORLD." Violet again responded from nowhere "Well, my trophies are above you. And below you. And surrounding you. So you'd better give up. _Because I am the winner and you are the loser._"

Then the phone began ringing and Skepness Man thought "This is it! This is the moment when Violet gets distracted and-" "_I am never distracted._" She said and shot Skepness Man in the back with chewing gum so hard that he started shouting in pain and ran away a kilometer from our home but not enough to Portal High School. When he started to walk to Portal High School regularly Violet finally took the phone and answered the person behind it.

"Charlie! It's wonderful to hear you again! Isn't your factory shut down yet?" "Nope" "Just let me know when it is. Also, I got a child that I'm supposed to make into the best champion ever. His name is Skepness Man. Thanks for your congratulations and goodbye." Violet put the phone somewhere else and turned to us. "You never got to introduce yourselves, and there is no artifact with your names to show for it." "Oh, sorry. Well, we are Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller-" "Don't you mean Ben Stiller?" My Dick began "Nope, I'm Ben's kid from the future." "And we need to return to the Capitol. Skepness Man could get us back but now he's gone."

"Let's see." I let Violet take my/Skepness Man's clock. She fiddled around with it. "It's really an interesting contraption worth my attention. NOT" after this bit Violet tried to throw the clock off but it attached to her and started to sparkle. Then there was a flash and she was gone. With the clock, that is.

* * *

_In the chocolate factory_

Charlie Bucket was running his factory as ordinary but then he had the aforementioned call from Violet. He immediately asked a Loompa-Oompa servant "I didn't give any congratulations, did I?" The Loompa-Oompa servant said "Nope" "We must teach Violet a second lesson." But then suddenly Willy Wanker happened! "If my calculations are correct turning into a giant blueberry was one and only and final lesson for Miss Violet Beauregarde." "Well, the problem is your calculations are not correct. You're not even the kind of man who would do calculations." There was a pause "Let's just step into the glass elevator and get this over with." Charlie and Willy stepped into the elevator and pressed a button which read "Tbilisi, Georgia" and the elevator took off.

* * *

OH NO JANET AND DICK ARE UNDER ATTACK! WHAT WILL THEY DO? READ FURTHER TO FIND OUT!


	8. The Lucky Finders

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 8: The Lucky Finders

* * *

I and Dick Stiller were left in some "Violet Beauregarde" lady's room. I could have read it on every single of her 2107 trophies. Awarded to Violet Beauregarde for winning the world's gymnastics cup. Awarded to Violet Beauregarde for gaining a world record of spitting a chewing gum piece. Oh wait, there's this one gem that is not "awarded to Violet Beauregarde". It's called a Golden Ticket, and I suppose that it makes only 2106 signatures with the same name over and over again. I read the entirety of the back immediately.

_Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket from Mr. Willy Wanker. I shake you warmly by the hand. From now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day. _

* * *

_CUT TO CHILD VIOLET, ca. 1945 AG_

"I, Willy Wanker, will conduct you around the factory myself, showing you everything there is to see."

_ZAP_

Child Violet then quickly glanced away from the ticket and saw none other than... adult Violet!

Adult Violet then spoke. "By the way, did you know that you will turn into a giant blueberry and will have to be squeezed and will remain blue for years after?"

"But that's not what's written in the ticket!"

"That's what will happen."

* * *

_CUT TO 1980 AG_

_Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a possession of large trucks, each one filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat. And remember: one of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are your instructions: On first of February, you must come to the factory gates at 10 A.M. sharp. You're allowed to bring one member of your family to look after you. Till then, Willy Wanker._

"First of February." I still remembered vividly the apparent time machine that I got to wear briefly. The time was meaningless for me as I could time travel with assistance but then someone stepped into Violet's house. It was Charlie Bucket and Willy Wanker! Willy Wanker was first to speak "You. What's your name. I can't believe I'm actually witnessing a discovery of a Golden Ticket!" "Janet Roberts." Charlie then was quick to ask "Then why didn't I see you at the tour? And also: where's Violet?" "Gone with a time machine. No way to trace her now. Better get us to Portal High School so we can find her child, Skepness Man." "She has a child already?" Willy Wanker shouted "Well yeah, she mentioned to me." Charlie responded and we stepped outside Violet's house to see a glass elevator.

We stepped into it and Willy Wanker pressed a button named "The Skool." I asked "Why the Skool? It's now named Portal High School" "Because my elevator is outdated, that's why."

We eventually flew to Portal High School and surely enough Principal Business Man was playing a song to scare us away.

_Maintenant, voici l'histoire,  
__L'histoire de Violette Beauregarde.  
Une jeune personne comme c'est charmant,  
qui mâche, qui mâche, qui mâche, qui mâche, qui mâche, qui mâche tout le temps._

When we stepped out of the elevator Principal Business Man immediately greeted us. "I FEAR NONE OF YOU IMPOSTORS SENT BY SKEPNESS MAN'S NEW MOTHER" he shouted and Willy Wanker was like "It's only been 35 years! There's already a Gibberish version of this song? In fact, my welcome song is now entirely different." Principal Business Man's music shut off for a while and Willy Wanker began screeching.

_Willy Wanker's here and he's got the games  
__The amazing chocolatier, beaten to shame  
Willy Wanker's school can break the rules  
When he's got just a few cheer codes for you_

"That was literal shit." Principal Business Man said and began dancing to the ballet of the next song in the script. "_Des amis vraiment différents, des amis vraiment différents!_"

"And a Gibberish version of THIS song? Let's just get out of here." We four (me, Charlie, Willy and Dick) stepped into the elevator, but then Principal Business Man followed us. "No going without me. I'm the only one here who knows how time travel works." Willy pressed a button named "Back In Fucker" and Principal Business Man plugged a button on the ceiling named "1945 AG". We waited until we got to the factory and then Principal Business Man pressed his button and... THERE WAS ANOTHER GLASS ELEVATOR! We then looked at the bottom and saw four pairs of a children and an adult. I noticed a violet speck and pointed at it and Willy Wanker immediately recognized it. "IT'S VIOLET BEAUREGARDE! Quick. Let's go." We followed Violet and her mother all the way to Tbilisi, Georgia (the journey took two days so we landed on the same hotel in which Violet slept before she took off with a plane") and ended up at the same house.

I stepped in and immediately saw that there were much less trophies than in 1980 AG. Then I noticed a familiar blueberry and her mother but then there was another familiar adult. "Janet? Dick? You actually found me!" "Actually, Charlie and Willy wanted to find you. Something about a second lesson." Then the blueberry's mother shouted "_A second lesson?_ Are you serious? No, of course you aren't serious. That madman turned my daughter into a giant blueberry and she had to be squeezed and will remain blue for years after!" But then adult Violet said "Told you." and the blueberry said "You knew all the time!" and we knew the jig was up, because the jig is never in any place but up.

* * *

WELL, LOOKS LIKE THE JIG IS UP! (THE JIG IS NEVER IN ANY PLACE BUT UP) THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO READ FURTHER!


	9. A Cold Landing, Part 2

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 9: A Cold Landing, Part 2

* * *

_Vraiment le plus important à ma connaissance,_  
_Le plus important à ma connaissance concernant les enfants,_  
_C'est de jamais jamais les laisser devant la télé_  
_Et mieux encore n'installez pas cette chose idiote qui rend gaga…_

When Skepness Man arrived at Portal High School Principal Business Man was long gone. Upon the entrance he finally had the time to pick up the chewing gum bullet Violet had shot and throw it in the trash bin. He entered Portal High School fairly confidently because he was there many times before but when the bell rang Skepness Man was suddenly lost since he had no idea about the lesson order. He stood like a statue for 5 minutes and Mr. Sanpe found him.

"Skepness Man Beauregarde." "That's correct." "I was informed about your arrival. I just need to mention you'll need a briefing on what precisely is wrong with this school and how you can help to fix it." "You are especially angry that Principal Business Man has stepped up and his IQ has begun to decline and the overall situation is quite poor." Mr. Sanpe was stunned for a while and "Very good. I'll pass a note to your History teacher so he can write you an A. But you see, the problem is I am not your History teacher, I am your Maths teacher. Now let's go to class." They started walking.

When Mr. Sanpe and Skepness Man entered a the classroom one girl immediately asked "Hey! I thought this kid only gave us rare visits and was too smart for school anyway!" And Mr. Sanpe said ""This kid" has a name, Miss Aranna Sorket. And if you never asked him what it was during any of his "rare visits" your entire average should be lower." "Alright, then what is it?" "Well, he's Skepness Man Beau-"

"Skepness Man, the author of Enchiridion Marrissa? I actually got into your universe!" "Oh. Yeah. That." "Well, thanks for shedding light about Sgrub. Though, your universe is still pathetic." "Stop" Mr. Sanpe interrupted and Mr. Sanpe said. "What did you say?" "Your universe is pathetic?" "You know patheticity is relative. For example, you may see our universe as pathetic and yourself as all fine, but our universe now thinks that _you're_ pathetic and _we're_ all fine. And that you need to sit detention. Unfortunately, Principal Business Man is currently unavailable, so I want you to sit in his room and pretend that you're being punished and need to be sorry." Aranna reluctantly left and Skepness Man could faintly hear Mt. Sanpe locking her inside, as well as saying a few things to her, and returning to class.

"Now, let's see if this kid knows his way around maths just as well as history." Mr. Sanpe wrote a complex maths equation and Skepness Man was solving it. When Skepness Man was distracted enough Mr. Sanpe told the class "I'm joking, that's his punishment for somehow conveying to Aranna that "our universe is pathetic." Pathetic little man... kid... man." One bell rang after another and children were all over school and the room the equation was in but Skepness Man was still busy solving the equation.

Meanwhile, while locked away, Aranna Sorket noticed that there were some newspaper clippings and photos. They were both related to Skepness Man, but standing beside him was an unfamiliar blonde part-blue-haired girl. But because Aranna couldn't put two and two and realize who she was someone knocked on the window. It was… Lately Pirate was trespassing! "Aranna. Psst. You're in a detention with literally no one! Just open the window."

Aranna opened the window but just as she was stepping out the window closed back down and slammed her right in the fingers. "Okay, I'll admit, Principal Business Man is clever." Lately thought a bit and wondered how to fix it when the same window catapulted her across the city. She could no longer contact Aranna in person and as part of her detention Mr. Sanpe had taken away her mobile device but there was still Principal Business Man's computer. Aranna turned it on but it turned out there was a password so that plan was to be scratched.

Aranna then looked more carefully. There was in fact a copy of Enchiridion Marrissa among the papers so another look couldn't hurt. But then she realized that Skepness Man only makes an appearance in the post-Marrissa Games part so that didn't lead to any discovery. Aranna then thought "well, the problem will solve itself" when Mr. Sanpe came again. "You actually tried to escape your detention. From now on" he pulled out a list of students and crossed Aranna out "I am forced to announce your expellance from Portal High School. Go home." Aranna reluctantly went home.

Meanwhile Skepness Man finished his equation. Mr. Sanpe checked the answer, and, seeing that it was correct, and wrote an A besides it so everyone knew Skepness Man was a maths genius as well as a history genius. The teacher also handed him an envelope. "This is for your mother. Don't open it." Skepness Man nodded and left Portal High School and started his long boring walk to Tbilisi, Georgia. Halfway through however he couldn't resist the temptation of opening the letter and consuming information so he opened the letter and read it.

_Dear Ms. Violet Beauregarde,_

_It has come to my attention that your son, Skepness Man, is immensely knowledgeable and as such could possibly put an end to our entire universe. I hope that as a sensible person, you will take action against it. Him. It. Thank you for letting me be heard._

_Yours sincerely,_  
_Mr. Sectumsempra Sanpe_

Skepness Man put the letter back in as he walked further. By now knowing what Violet was like, he had to fight his best and survive as the smartass he is.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: I had re-thought what to write here several times. My current choice is Violet's response to the above letter._

Dear Mr. Sectumsempra Sanpe,

I actually expected that the transfer of Skepness Man to Portal High School would solve the problem itself. However, as an added measure, I confiscated all his time travel devices. It turns out I am vulnerable to them as well (haha). The issue has had my full attention ever since I learned about Skepness Man, and is the sole reason I'm looking after him.

Thanks for your reciprocal attention,  
Ms. Violet Beauregarde


	10. In a Warmer Note

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 10: In a Warmer Note

* * *

"Speaking of this second lesson… _Trace me first!_ Ahahaha." Adult Violet pulled a switch on her clock and and was gone. Principal Business Man however was sneaky and noticed that Violet had left this thing behind. He picked it up and read what was on it. "Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry." He then handed each of us, that is: the blueberry, her mother, me, Dick, Charlie and himself a chewing gum piece and then handed Willy the entire bar.

Then the blueberry's mother spoke. "My supposed relative is actually a chewing gum baroness. Who could have known?" and Willy Wanker said "Well, if we are to continue chasing Violet then we'd better do it as a pair." So we all returned to The Skool and flashed time to 1980 AG so it was Portal High School again and Charlie with Willy bid us farewell and took off. Principal Business Man then returned to his little cabinet and saw someone walk up to the window. It was Lately Pirate! "Aranna I'm back!" "Sorry lady but Aranna will no longer be in this building." Lately then left the window and Principal Business Man could finally leave Portal High School in peace, except that now we two were locked in and needed to eat some sort of dinner.

* * *

_In Tbilisi, Georgia_

Violet reappeared from her trip. For a while she thought that the clock which got her here had to be hidden so Skepness Man wouldn't notice it so she put it directly behind the "third golden ticket found" newspaper clip. As she had one look around the trophy shelves Skepness Man returned with a letter. "It's for you." Skepness Man then went to another room to write his own story, and when Violet was sure that he wasn't watching she wrote her response.

_Dear Mr. Sectumsempra Sanpe,_

_I actually expected that the transfer of Skepness Man to Portal High School would solve the problem itself. However, as an added measure, I confiscated all his time travel devices. It turns out I am vulnerable to them as well (haha). The issue has had my full attention ever since I learned about Skepness Man, and is the sole reason I'm looking after him._

_Thanks for your reciprocal attention,_  
_Ms. Violet Beauregarde_

_Seriously Written Note: I thought this segment was already posted before. Well, nothing I can do about it._

"Did I hear somebody? I swear I heard somebody..." Violet said as she put the letter back in the same envelope and closed it. She then called out for Skepness Man. "Skepness Man?" Skepness Man immediately reacted and went downstairs. "Yes, mother?" "You're learning that I'm your mother very quick." "_Merci._ That kind of skill is needed when I integrate into the societies of different times." Violet and Skepness Man blankly stared at each other for a while and then Violet decided to break the ice.

"I have a story. You won't believe me. I was back to the time when I was a child and I had won this." She picked up one of the golden pieces in her room which read "Golden Ticket". "So there I was, in my own room, as my younger self read what was on the ticket. I wanted to talk with my alternate but she freaked out whenever she saw me so I resolved to talk to her mother instead. My mother, that is." Violet and Skepness Man shared a giggle because now both understood how hard it was to talk about time travel adventures without messing up pronouns.

"She conveyed to me that my past self was hyper excited. Then the big day came. No one was in the house for three days and when someone returned it was my mother and some girl... blue from head to toe. During the course of the tour she... I, that is..." Violet trailed off because instead of remembering what it was like to go back in time she remembered what it was like to be in the tour itself and she certainly did not like to remember it. The pair just awkwardly sat together for a while.

"When you cool down, I'm just going to tell you the first day of Portal High School." Skepness Man said and Violet's expression was immediately fixed. "It was about a math equation, mostly. I got two As. One for Maths and one for History. Either the teachers are very nice to me or I'm smarter than I thought." "Hehe. You'll live up to my legacy in no time." Violet again giggled and pulled out a 12 piece chewing gum bar out of a vending machine in the room that was linked directly to the company Violet owned, Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry.

Violet handed Skepness Man a piece and he began to chew it. "I should have mentioned. You aren't a true chewing gum chewer- I mean a true Beauregarde unless you chew chewing gum. I even have a song about it, because..." The truth was that Violet had heard a grand total of two songs that said chewing gum was terrible, but remember, she can't remember that particular event. "If I remember the tour again, I'm just going to blank out again, so the song will be immediately delivered." Violet began singing.

_I only have one dream in life; there's very little to it  
To own a stick of life-long gum and all life-long to chew it-_

"You just said "life-long" twice. That is definitely not how songs are composed." Skepness Man said and Violet responded "What?" and before Skepness Man could come up with a snarky response Violet shut the lights off, knowing that Skepness Man would just be frozen in place. With the lights off she picked out the chewing gum piece from Skepness Man's mouth and dropped it in the trash bin. She then turned the lights back on again and said "Hey Skepness Man! Look in your mouth!" and Skepness Man noticed that there was no chewing gum piece.

"You probably just gulped it. It happens. Once I had this record of chewing a chewing gum piece for three months and then..." "Violet, you're doing it again." Skepness Man said but Violet was deeply thinking about the event. Skepness Man then said in the same tone as the previous time because he was really good at it "When you cool down, I'm just going to tell you-" "You already told me. Anyway. Night. I spent too much thinking about one particular event of my life." She shut the lights off and carefully put Skepness Man on the couch and went upstairs to sleep herself.

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: But what about Janet and Dick? That's right. You guessed it. Next chapter._


	11. Professional Door Breakers

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 11: Professional Door Breakers

* * *

Just as Principal Business Man closed the door Dick tried to open it but to no avail. The door must have been pre-programmed to only react when Principal Business Man opened or closed it, essentially opening up the entire school. Really a modern man. Except remember, I hail from literally the last moments of Earth so I'm the most modern girl, ever.

"A-right, so what do we do?" I said in a really modern way and my Dick said "Doesn't this place have a cafeteria like any ordinary school? We could eat dinner there, have a good sleep and then, after lessons, follow Skepness Man back to Violet's house so that he could assist us further." We then looked around the hallways. None of the doors were labeled and because it was night none of them could potentially open so we picked one door that appeared to lock away half of the school's first floor and broke it. Unsurprisingly, the building we reached wasn't a cafeteria, because apparently we're idiots and only falmer trollz are smart.

"So what's now?" I asked and my Dick said "Isn't there a room that would be as large as this one?" and I said "Nope I've checked the entire school." until when we were walking back to the first floor a tile shifted and revealed a hole that I fell into. It turned out there is a floor beyond the first floor AND a light switch so when I turned it on my Dick noticed the glow and followed me.

"Holy Moses." He said and had the right to it. The underground part of Portal High School had several hundred floors and a multitude of rooms. There was a gaping hole that led about a kilometer below that thankfully we didn't get into and now the doors were actually labeled. I broke into a room named "Food" and there was enough canned goods and burgers so we had a nice dinner.

After this dinner we had a nice look around the underground part of Portal High School. It was almost like we were in a skyscraper except underground. By stairs at the outskirts I got to the very bottom and clicked the light buttons on my way through. Dick was instead looking for a room labeled "Sleep" but I was more interested in the size of the thing. When I got back up from the very bottom I noticed the door labeled "Sleep" was open so I clicked off all the rights and went to sleep.

We were woken up by a school bell that announced Principal Business Man's arrival. I then heard him put the tile that we displaced back to its place but then he realized that someone must have been in Portal High School while he was out, so he put the tile back and jumped down. I quickly ran to the bottom as fast as possible and Dick and Principal Business Man followed me.

But ultimately, the very bottom WAS there and Principal Business Man finally got us. "Now who the hell are- Oh." He actually recognized us. "Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller. The ones who transform into aliens whenever I say the names of the aliens in question." "Okay, now who the hell are _you_?" Dick said like a smartass "Principal Business Man. Now go back up and out of my peripheral vision."

We walked back up and Principal Business Man put the tile back. Then a whole bunch of kids went in and hugged him so we got out and just as serendipitously, Skepness Man was there. "It's a good day to do what has to be done by me and face my true destiny as a Beauregarde." He walked past us chewing chewing gum and I said "Don't you introduce yourself with _Hello Imma Skepness Man connoiseur of multiple fandoms _et cetera?" Just as then Skepness Man blew a chewing gum bubble and it burst right in front of our faces. I didn't know what that meant in chewing gum chewer slang but we knew that he was now deeply fucked and we needed to go back to the Capitol ourselves.

* * *

At the same time Roxa Lavigne and Jack London unpacked all of their stuff at the Capitol. When they were sure they only had what they needed the most they stepped out of their house and took a deep breath smelling the color of the Capitol when suddenly something appeared right in front of them. It was... A GLASS ELEVATOR WITH CHARLIE BUCKET AND WILLY WANKER INSIDE! "I think we're a bit lost." Charlie said and Willy wondered for really long which button to press as in 2174 AG, as compared to 1945 AG, _every_ location name was now different, and most locations themselves were different too.

Roxa and Jack then stepped to the elevator and had a look on the buttons themselves. Jack found a button named "Back In Fucker" and pressed it saying "You want to go home, right?" and we flew to what we thought was Willy Wanker's home, except very clearly it wasn't. It was now an exclusive zone of The Capitol guarded by an electric field all across and I could make out a chocolate river.

Willy Wanker longingly stared at the chocolate river when Jack was searching for a more useful button. Unfortunately, there was not one of them on the walls and Jack instead noticed the single button on the ceiling named 2174 AG. "Oh, in case you were wondering, we're from 1980 AG but right now we need to search for a single mischievous adult named Violet Beauregarde and we have no idea when or where she is." Charlie said and Jack set the dial to read 1980 AG and he pressed the button and there was a flash.

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: My writing speed has diminished a bit, but I haven't completely given up. As well as that, I am working on another fanfic supposed to be written by Skepness Man, Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History._


	12. Pure Imagination

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 12: Pure Imagination

* * *

Roxa Lavigne (this time I am her), Jack London, Charlie Bucket and Willy Wanker appearified into some candyland place. The chocolate river was still there but now it was surrounded by a green field and there were candy trees and candy fruit and candy everything a poor man's house. The elevator landed on the candy grass floor, we stepped out and it reshaped itself and submerged itself inside the factory (not the chocolate river). Then we all marched into the poor man's house and there two old men greeted us.

"These two are Roxa Lavigne and Jack London and they will be staying with us for a while." Willy said and Charlie's father asked "Aren't you two supposed to be hunting Violet down?" "Oh fuck really" Charlie said and he and Willy immediately left. Since we were left with these two people Charlie's mother immediately asked. "So what precisely brought you two here?" "A glass elevator" Jack said not knowing any better and we all laughed. Since I was drunk (I am drunk all the time it's just that I never mention it because being drunk is second nature to me) I also didn't know any better.

Instead I stepped outside of the poor man's house to the candyland and my breath was immediately taken away so after a few minutes I was desperately breathing catching air. It was like this thing in which I was living in a carapacian colony that was black or white and the carapacians themselves were black and white but THIS place's little people were all sorts of color. Charlie's mother was besides us and could explain "These are The Loompa-Oompa Servants they are the employees of this place, and my sweet Charlie and Willy Wanker are the managers."

Just as then one of these "Loompa-Oppa Gangnam Styles" threw a candy ball on me and I swerved. Jack quickly ran to where I was but I had already fallen into the chocolate river. For a while everything was brown and when I emerged I grasped the bank so I didn't fall in again. Jack then took my hand and held a pistol to the ground and shot the ground so he could rise up in the air and I was fully thrown out. Then I licked my hand and it tasted like delicious chocolate.

"You taste delicious" Jack said but then I ran to the other side of the room and re-captchalogued my clothes so I wasn't coated in chocolate anymore. "We'll talk about eating me later. Now let's go somewhere" "But where?" Jack dumbed and a boat holding a whole bunch of these Loompa-Oompa servants arrived. Without second thinking we both stepped into the boat and it nicely and slowly carried us to the next room in this living paradise, called the Invention Room.

In the Invention Room a family of very hairy Loompa-Oompa servants immediately greeted us (the one Loompa-Oompa servant who ate Hair Toffee had a family so that's where they all came from). "You should check out this chewing gum" they said in unison so we wall headed to one particular part of The Invention Room but at the end of a machine instead of chewing gum there was an empty robotic hand.

"Looks like there won't be any gum today" the servants said and left. We two wondered for really long which button to press but then someone pestered us.

- mysteryscience Skepticalmagnet [MS] began competing with tipsyGnostalgic [TG] -

MS: it's actually one of you.  
TG: TOOT TOOT  
TG: A CHALLENGER APPROACHES  
MS: not actually competing with you.  
MS: it's just this chat program that violet forces me to use.  
TG: whos violet  
MS: my new adoptive mother, violet beauregarde.

"Violet Beauregarde!" I heard someone shout it was the different Loompa-Oompa servant! He immediately stole my communication device from us and shouted "I goddamn found her!" as he continued running like an idiot. "What's wrong?" "I dunno." "And who is Violet in reality? Like, what does she look like?" "I dunno 2" I had a really interesting conversation with Jack and we resolved to goddamn get out of the factory. We went back through the Invention Room and the Purple Boat and the poor man's house but then Charlie's mother found us.

"I heard that you actually found Violet" "NO WE DIDN'T" I shouted for both of us and we ran away only to slam into a locked door. When the door unlocked itself from the inside I noticed that it was really small and I couldn't potentially fit in. Instead I got even more drunk than I typically had and passed out. My life is boring like that.

* * *

Meanwhile in the same goddamn time Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller were walking in no direction in particular. With Skepness Man gone off the deep end they knew that they were deeply fucked and they would never ever return to The Capitol again but then something flew over them. They just ignored it and continued going because they're even dumber shits than we are and yes it's me suddenly becoming competitive for some reason.

* * *

OH NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! AND ALSO WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SKEPNESS MAN AND VIOLET. YOU KNOW THE DRILL. KEEP READING.


	13. Another Rotten Child

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 13: Another Rotten Child

* * *

Skepness Man was now used to walking from Tbilisi, Georgia to Portal High School and back. He now was a completely broken soul and he couldn't help it. Even his new attempts at writing were morbid and existential. He hadn't felt that way... ever. Maybe when he was reaped into the 413th falmer Hunger Games, but the feeling then was quickly replaced with fear of being killed, and the feeling now persisted, and couldn't be taken away even by Principal Business Man's musical tastes or teacher choices.

Speaking of those musical tastes and teacher choices, when Skepness Man came into lessons one time, in particular, the English lesson, this guy popped up and started singing.

_English, Spanish, French, Italian  
Portuguese, Irish, Esperanto, German  
American Sign Language, Dutch, Chinese, Arabic  
He's the bomb at anything you can name!_

"The fuck are half of these names?" a fellow falmer troll, CadenGallic asked. But then the teacher introduced himself. "Mr. Lewis here, _the_ Irish polyglot, the author of the Language Hacking Guide and the ever-popular blog Fluent in 3 Months-" "You're avoiding my question." "Well, they are called languages _et je parle tous les langues lesquelles j'ai mentionné._" "The fuck are languages?" CadenGallic asked again and Mr. Lewis was really puzzled but then Skepness Man, still all miserable, raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Sorry to break it Mr. Lewis, but I'm afraid this universe only speaks differently corrupted versions of English, which I collectively called "Trollficese". Except for me, that is. I have learned French." "_As-tu?_" "_Oui._" "_Tu es le meilleur... quel est ton nom?_" "_Homme de SkepFaires Beauregarde._" Both Mr. Lewis and Skepness Man began smiling at each other for very long when the bell rang and Mr. Lewis thought "I am going to raise a polyglot out of that kid" but Skepness Man didn't feel any better as he walked out of Portal High School and all the way back to Tbilisi, Georgia, not even bothering to look at what Mr. Sanpe handed him... yet again.

"Violet, I'm home." He said monotonously as he gave her yet another letter from Mr. Sanpe and was ready to go to his room and sit there forever, sometimes writing a sentence of Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History, but then Violet noticed that the atmosphere was broken. "Skepness Man, when you speak, I can immediately feel shivers running through me like in a horror movie. Sure, you have to submit and do whatever I say like any good child, but your behavior is just wrong."

"Yeah, right, we'll seriously talk the other day." Skepness Man said and closed the door of his room. Violet just stood there, the dissatisfied expression staying with her as if it was contagious, but then the bell rang and Violet opened the door of her house. It was... one of Violet's close friends, Veruca Salt! "Violet, I want one of your trophies." "Well, what good is a trophy awarded to Violet Beauregarde going to do in Veruca Salt's room?" Violet responded and both had a good laugh over it. It happened every time when Veruca came to visit Violet and yet it never seemed to cease being funny.

Then both stopped laughing as Veruca caught a scent of something. "Violet, something in your room smells miserable. Is it you suddenly realizing these trophies are actually worthless?" Violet was quick to respond "No, of course not. My trophies are something that any woman my age would be proud of. Am I right, Veruca?" "That was not the question." "Well, if the question is the source of the misery, the right person to ask would be my son, Skepness Man."

"_You have a son now?_ When did this happen?" Veruca shouted shocked and Violet took out a copy of Enchiridion Marrissa out of somewhere that no one knew about and said "Yes this is what he writes" and Veruca took it and read a part of it. She was very interested in the literature and while she was reading Violet immediately envisioned a mission plan. She would get Skepness Man to her company building and especially the chewing gum room which she built to be a parody of the chocolate room that Willy Wanker owned. And perhaps she could even get Augustus and Mike into the show.

It would be really interesting and it would be the ultimate test to make Skepness Man smile.

* * *

But then Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller chanced upon a city. There was a large factory in the center of it and two familiar silhouettes walked out of it they were... Roxa Lavigne and Jack London! "That is quite an unexpected meeting" Janet said but then they saw that the night was coming and Charlie Bucket and Willy Wanker met them. "You're not going out in the winter like this. You're better off in my factory." Then the six walked in through the factory gates and into the factory.

* * *

HOLY SHIT VIOLET IS GOING TO GIVE A TOUR OF _HER_ FACTORY! I CAN'T WAIT TO GET A GOLDEN TICKET TO GET INTO THE FACTORY AND UNTIL THEN KEEP READING!


	14. Violet's Tour

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**  
Chapter 14: Violet's Tour

* * *

The next morning we woke up in Willy Wanker's candyland factory and went to the television room. It was all white and we needed funny goggles because the brightness could blind me idiotically (again) but then someone popped up on Wonkavision News it was… one of the Loompa-Oompa servants!

"This just in. Violet Beauregarde, the most wanted person in The Chocolate Factory and second most wanted in The Capitol, has just been found on the outskirts of the headquarters of her own company, Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, accompanied by her adoptive child, Skepness Man Beauregarde, as well as three other Golden Ticket winners, Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt and Mike Teavee." Just as the guy said that Willy Wanker shut off the TV and exclaimed "That's it! How could it be so much more difficult is my question." Then he, Charlie Bucket and us four stepped into the elevator and set off for Tbilisi, Georgia yet again.

* * *

"Oh excellentischen is there any chocolate in your factory?" Augustus asked Violet and she said "No" while disinterestedly continuing to walk. "I still don't feel any better" Skepness Man equally disinterestedly said and Violet said to him "Oh the fun hasn't even begun." They all walked into the main hall and dropped their coats but then someone hugged Violet really hard it was… Willy Wanker!

"Ms. Beauregarde, I'm Willy Wanker." He said and Violet suddenly became funnily angry. "Hey! That is my line!" she shouted and Charlie and Willy did a high-five and Skepness Man was slightly pissed off and then someone another stepped in her way and this time it was me so no big plot twist. "I'm Janet Roberts. It's very nice to see you, miss." Veruca funnily looked at me and Violet said "Yeah, I already know you and Dick, no need to introduce yourself." Then Jack took a step between me and Violet. "I'm Jack London. I love your chewing gum." It was a huge plot twist because Jack never told us he liked Violet's chewing gum so I o-mouthed and Violet finished our role call with these lines:

"So do I. I actually never expected someone to like my chewing gum but myself. It's just that I was really disappointed in not getting Mr. Wanker's factory so I resolved to have my own." And after a pause: "You. You're Roxa Lavigne. Being drunk is your second nature. And you. Well, you just think you can one-up me a second time." Roxa wildly smiled and Charlie said "Your company is a ripoff of mine anyways, so I win by default." "SILENCE. I'm the champion of 2107 trophies here. Now let's go." Violet finished and we all walked down the tunnel which morphed into a pretty room of pink and purple. _(Seriously Written Note: By the way, pink and purple translate into French as "rose" and "violet"… which reminds me I was intending to write a Rose Lalonde/Violet Beauregarde fanfic named "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue".)_

"Meh." Roxa, Jack, Charlie and Willy said in unison because they had seen a better candyland. Augustus, Veruca and Mike were tempted to follow when Violet began her exposition tour. "There's a chocolate river and a waterfall… just for the sake of there being a chocolate river and a waterfall." In a moment of stupidity I suggested "You could make chocolate flavored chewing gum." Violet took it as an insult and mockingly said "Heard it, Charlie? You could make chewing gum flavored chocolate." Violet then laughed rudely but Charlie and Willy laughed genuinely when a girl happened.

She was wearing a blue dress not unlike that of Aranna Sorket and Violet said "That is a prisoner I captured nine years ago. Would you care to calculate that as Anno Glorii years, Skepness Man?" "AG 1971" Skepness Man said and left because he was now a fully realized goth emo and not even a candyland could cheer him up. The prisoner then stepped up and said "Hello, I am Violet Beauregarde-" "No no no. You got something wrong. If I remember correctly, _I_ am Violet Beauregarde. Now go back to your prison." The fake Violet complied and the real Violet smelled her candyland because she was sure she was forgetting something.

We then saw very poor people messing with Violet's stuff. "That's right, the North Koreans. I literally took my spaceship to North Korea and accidentally dropped a stick of chewing gum and enough North Koreans gathered to fill this entire factory. So I dispatched a smaller pod and the North Koreans stepped on it and we all went back to my factory and they've been working for me ever since." Charlie then blankly said "You have a spaceship." "All in good time." "Also, why would North Koreans be interested in your chewing gum? You know…" Willy then recited his poem "Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most." and did another high-five with Charlie while Violet was giving them a WTF look on her dumb feces.

Just as then Augustus was drinking straight from the chocolate river but then Violet snapped fingers and a North Korean pulled Augustus out before he could fall in. "My wonderful biological technology" she thought as she threw the North Korean in question a chewing gum piece and we walked all the way to Violet's factory's next room (except for Augustus; he kept drinking the chocolate until there was none, being rescued by North Koreans the whole time).

A robotic raven flew over us as Violet got darker and darker with the design of each contraption. Willy, being the mischievous twat he is, pulled a switch and said "Watch this." and Violet retorted "No. Fuck you." when one of the robotic ravens flew over with a chewing gum piece and dropped it right in Violet's hair. Then immediately a North Korean showed up and cut out the piece and ate it. He walked away because he wanted to walk away but Willy Wanker and Charlie took it up and started a whole series of imitations.

"It's changing! Roast beef and baked potato!" Charlie said in the best impression of a memory thirty-five years old and Violet just froze in shock. Willy Wanker followed it up with "I'm just a little worried about- _Blueberry pie and ice cream!_" and I and Roxa were commanded to produce two more quotes. First I said "What's happening to her nose?" even though everything that happened to Violet was her shock from her memories and then Roxa said "Violet, you're turning violet!" and I facepalmed because she got the better line and Veruca was still weirdly looking at me.

Then Violet fell over and fainted. Mike said "Tour's over, right?" but then a North Korean took Violet's Swirly B pin and said "Nope." and we continued to the next room.

On the way however the lights switched off and when they went back on Violet was there with her own Swirly B pin back to its place and also wearing Willy's hat. "Hey what the fuck" my Dick said and Violet responded "I'm the one with the hat here, shut up." and Charlie and Willy backtracked to see what precisely went wrong with Violet being passed out in one moment and being a hyper ninja in the other. They ended up sucking the blueberry juice out of the North Korean who had turned into a giant blueberry but not because of gum but because of Violet's hair.

In the hallway Veruca interrupted our discussion about whose factory is better. "Violet, I want a squirrel." It was a huge deal because Willy Wanker didn't give her a squirrel and instead gave her a vacation in the cesspool so everyone waited at one place until a squirrel came to us followed by a robotic raven. "Thank you." Veruca said leaving and Violet thought "my party is dwindling by the second" when she smashed into a glass elevator. When she backed off Mike stepped into the elevator but then Violet saw someone else.

"Wonka, you ungrateful little son of a bitch." she thought when someone hugged her it was… her doppelganger! "Ms. Leader of This Place, I'm Violet Beauregarde-" "Back off." The real Violet said and the fake Violet found herself slammed into the same elevator as Mike as the doors closed and the elevator took off. Violet then said "Okay, now how many of you are left?" when I found myself gravitating towards a spiral sucker.

Before I could move further however Violet pulled out her hand and I slammed right into it. "You don't go anywhere, I need to count. You, Jack, Roxa and Dick. Four. Four people." she said but then I spun her around and ended up touching the sucker with my tongue and just then… I TURNED INTO A TRICKSTER! Some North Koreans were trying to catch me as I was running around like an idiot but as they hit me they became tricksters too and Violet said "Make it three." as she, Roxa, Dick and Jack fleed from the factory as fast as they could and I found myself in Violet's candyland.

The chocolate river was now empty and Augustus slowly walked away mumbling "All… the… chocolate…" when I used my trickster powers and some colors other than pink and purple appeared and there were real non-candy plants and the chocolate river was full again. Augustus then began drinking from it again but then Violet appeared with her gang of three and thought "What the fuck?" and my friends had their breaths taken away by my additions to Violet's candyland.

However, I was different. I was very happy to see my friends and ran fast to them and hugged them and Violet backed the fuck away from four newfound tricksters. She ran fast through her factory to the highest floor but we were quick to follow. But when we had nailed her North Koreans stepped between us and Violet and they wouldn't allow us to make her a trickster. Instead we were decommissioned to the Salt Room (dedicated to Veruca Salt) and were neutralized.

Meanwhile Violet saw that one North Korean had something up her sleeves. It was... a newspaper! Violet immediately read the newspaper's title "The Capitolian Critic" and the fat big lettered headline "VIOLET BEAUREGARDE FOUND" and read the text.

_TBILISI, GEORGIA - Violet Beauregarde, the CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry, the most wanted person of Wonka's Chocolate Factory and the second most wanted (after Morality Snow, the leader of the notorious gang Critics United) of The Capitol, was recently found by the headquarters of her own company. She had gathered a sizable company: the four "last humans alive", Janet Roberts, Jack London, Roxee Lovonde and Dick Stiller, the other four Golden Ticket winners, Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Mike Teavee and Charlie Bucket, her adoptive son, Skepness Man Beauregarde and the person who was looking for her initially, Willy "Wanker" Wonka._

Violet then immediately fled to her own house and put this newspaper right next to the "third golden ticket found" newspaper, also released by The Capitolian Critic. "Now I am a thing that is searched for, universally, and not just a little girl that found it", she thought, glad the tour is over.

* * *

Meanwhile Mike and the fake Violet took off. Mike had pressed the button named "Back In Fucker" and the fake Violet asked "What's this do?" "Oh, you know how you were trapped in a candyland? There is actually a better candyland." "Very interesting. Also, let's introduce ourselves. I'm Violet-" "No, the _other_ girl is Violet. I actually saw her swell up into a giant blueberry and all." "Hehe. Serves her right. And you are...?" "Mike Teavee. I was turned very small and then... stretched..." The rest of the flight to the chocolate factory was in silence.

When Mike and the fake Violet turned up at the factory and ITS candyland Mike said "That. That's the candyland I was talking about." "Pretty neat." The fake Violet responded. She was actually brainwashed by the real Violet to think that her candyland is the best ever and Mike corrected her "I hate chocolate and even _I_ think that it's the most wonderful thing ever."

"You're right." The fake Violet corrected herself when a Loompa-Oompa servant walked past them and Mike said "Oh these are Loompa-Oompa Servants they run everything." "Oh. Like North Koreans." "_Better_ than North Koreans. Remember. This factory is better in every respect than the other one." "Oh really?" Then Willy Wanker stepped up. "Yes. Really. Especially the giant blueberries."

"There are giant blueberries in your factory?" The fake Violet asked and Willy Wanker immediately recognized her. "You're the one that claims to be Violet Beauregarde, aren't you!" "Correction. I _am_ Violet Beauregarde." "No, the other girl is. The one who has a candyland and shit. Because that's what it is. Shit. And also a ripoff of my factory." "Then how come she gets to be Violet?"

"Very good question... Violet." Willy finally gave in and said "Well, I'm just going to order my diligent workers to write another Capitolian Critic issue about how Violet has changed unrecognizably." He said and Mike and the fake Violet "What makes me so fake?"

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: Right now we're halfway through my planned story, and there is going to be one more chapter that is that long, namely the very last one, featuring Skepness Man and Chell Junor's wedding._


	15. Skepness Man Blueberry-garde

_Seriously Written Note: I'm going to detour from the main plotline, okay?_

_So I've read a fanfic where Sam Beauregarde (1971 movie) swelled up into a blueberry and a different fanfic in which Violet's mother (2005 movie) swelled up into a blueberry (and then Violet fucked a lot of shit up). I think it's time our favorite chronomad got the same treatment._

* * *

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Intermission 1: Skepness Man Blueberry-garde

* * *

The chewing gum machine delivered a piece of chewing gum as it usually does, but then everyone - Charlie Bucket, Willy Wonka, Violet and her mother, Veruca and her father, Mike and his father and Grandpa Joe diverted their ears to a different mechanical sound overhead. Then someone zapped in due to time travel and began a newspost.

"Hello Imma Skepness Man connoiseur of multiple fandoms and- Oh look, a piece of chewing gum!"

"I'd rather you di-" Willy Wonka wanted to say but Skepness Man was quicker and was already chewing the chewing gum piece. Violet's mother said "Unexpected things happen, Violet. You have to be prepared, all the time." and Skepness Man was like "Oh, it's tomato soup! Wait. Is chewing gum supposed to do that?" and Willy Wonka wanted to say "No. Spit it out. That other little girl was supposed to take it." but nothing in the world was faster than Skepness Man.

"It's changing! Roast beef and baked potato with crispy skin and butter!" _(Seriously Written Note: And a pinch of a complete quote.)_ Willy was stunned by how fast Skepness Man spoke and tried to speak as fast but only got to "I must warn you about-" when the guy said "Blueberry pie and ice cream!" and continued chewing like a hyperactive kid and not a goth emo like his other Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History self.

But then something started going wrong.

"What's happening to his nose?" Veruca noticed the something going wrong and Mr. Salt answered her "It's turning blue!" and Skepness Man did a few feels around that place like a Tumblrite does feels about his favorite animes and Homestuck. Then Violet looked at him and was like "Your whole nose has gone purple!" and Skepness Man was like "The hell?" and Violet's mother said "Skepness Man, you're turning violet!" and Violet slapped her so hard for the pun that didn't work out she took a back step and crashed into the everlasting gobstopper tank and broke its glass and the sugary water spilled and began messing up Willy's stuff as Skepness Man's whole face was Erisol Ampersand's blood color.

Then Willy ducked and everyone tried to walk away from Skepness Man but they ended up slipping one by one and creating a hilarious pile of Golden Ticket winners and Skepness Man's time clock snapped right of his wrist as he got fatter and bluer. He tried to reach for it but saw as his whole body became taller and rounder and of course fatter as it filled up with blueberry juice and his eyes were the last to change color and his arms and legs were pulled into his round blueberry-ish body and Violet stood up but there was another time traveller behind her who was wearing purple and regal and had a Swirly B pin.

"Might I suggest something to cheer you up?" She said to Violet and gave her a bar of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry chewing gum and Violet was like "I'm on a chewing chewing gum record of fluent in 3 months, no thanks." and the purple girl looked up and saw Skepness Man's face and was like "SKEPNESS MAN WHAT THE HELL" and then got thinking "But if he became a giant blueberry then I didn't get to become one and" a paradox punched her in the face so hard she crashed into the Everlasting Gobstopper tank and broke a different wall of glass and was all wet and shit (because that's what her company was; shit) but then the Loompa-Oompa servants started singing a song.

_Now listen close and listen hard_  
_About Skep_ness_ Man Beauregarde_  
_This dreadful guy, he sees no wrong-_

"Wait, so I'm a Beauregarde?" Skepness Man said slowly and loudly because his giant blueberry body meant changes to his sporadic chronomad voice too. The song stopped and Willy said "I want you to roll Mr. Skepness Man to the Juicing Room at once. As for you, little girl, we'll see how to get rid of you later." and the Loompa-Oompa servants tried pushing the blueberry into the boat but kept on slipping and Willy thought "Violet, you little shit." as they all watched how the guys piled up all day and Skepness Man moved like a snail.

On February 2nd Skepness Man was finally ridden through the circular door and the rest of the company started walking further. "As for you, Violet, you wait right here while I pretend you were the one to become a giant blueberry instead." He said shutting the doors of the Invention Room and leaving Violet and the other purple queen locked in.

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: Perfect Sue Mary material here, eh?_


	16. The First Meeting

_Seriously Written Note: This was originally supposed to be Chapter 16 (after a Cantaloupe and California update), but you know what, screw it._

_Also Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History is still incomplete, but as I've written very much and given some interesting insights into Skepness Man's character and adventures it's for the best that I publish what I had written. The link is in my profile._

* * *

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 15: The First Meeting

* * *

After Chapter 14 Violet stood there, quite satisfied with herself, but then she suddenly realized something. "My doppelganger is on the loose! Gloria Deschanel only knows what could happen to me!" and ran back to her factory. She did a quick sketch of a "wanted" paper that was going to be everywhere, plastered over with the photo of the Aranna-like girl. In no time her robotic ravens were all over the place and flying to various avenues in Tbilisi, Georgia and as we were walking out, un-trickstered, we wondered what the hell was happening.

"And what are you thinking you are doing here? Don't you have a home?" "No, we don't." "You poor things. Fine. You will live in my home while I fly around and try to resolve my issues with the prisoner." She let us in her house and there were a bunch of trophies and we were resisting the urge to have a golden party at all moments.

* * *

AN THIS IS AN IMPORTANT SETUP IT SHOULD HAVE GONE FIRST BUT WHATEVER

In the future, Marrissa had committed suicide just as Enchiridion Marrissa had told you and Wheatley was now looking after Chell Junor on his own. She had finished primary school over her own time but when she was old enough for high school Wheatley thought that Chell Junor really needed a proper education. "Daughter I think that for the time being you should come to the past to attend... PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL!" He said and used a time travel spell and there were sparkles and Chell Junor was gone to the past.

* * *

Skepness Man entered Portal High School after the shitty trip once again. There was a song playing in the background again and Skepness Man thought it was Principal Business Man again when he realized this wasn't Principal Business Man's style at all when he listened to the lyrics more closely. They were basically shitty, what with some children and a South Korean (AN NOT NORTH KOREAN AS ALL NORTH KOREANS WERE KIDNAPPED BY VIOLET REMEMBER) overlaying their voices.

_Oompa Loompa doopa-Oppa Gangnam Style!_  
_I've got another puzzle for- Gangnam Style!_  
_Oompa Loompa doopadah- Gangnam Style!_  
_If you are wise you'll- _

By this time a sizable group gathered around Skepness Man, including non-students Aranna Sorket and Lately Pirate. They were all interested in Principal Business Man's sudden and unnatural change in style as the lyrics continued.

_Chewing chewing gum's okay - every once in a while_  
_It helps you not to smoke all day and broadens your smile_  
_But it's repulsive, revolting and simply deeply wrong_  
_When you do nothing but chew and chew - all day long_

_(Violet Beauregarde) A good example of this disease_  
_(Violet Beauregarde) She thought she could just break the habit_  
_(Violet Beauregarde) And went on to win all her other trophies_  
_(Violet Beauregarde, the one who tries too hard)_

_And then she gets a child, her heir apparent_  
_Skepness Man, who thinks he can_  
_Chew chewing gum like her, follow her legacy_  
_All anew_  
_Oh if he knew_  
_All his thoughts would be erased and he'd be chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing_  
_Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing all day long_

"Freeze for a second." Skepness Man said and the music shut off. "The Loompa-Oompa Servants have written a song and they, seeing as they universally agree with Charlie Bucket and Willy Wanker, all interpret me as a person whose primary character trait is following up on the legacy of Violet Beauregarde, who herself appears to have an outstanding character trait that is compulsive chewing-gum-chewing. As opposed to gum that tires are made of, making the redundant "chewing" necessary, lest one wants a trigger warning. To me, these two generalizations, dubbed by TV Tropes as "Flanderizations", are offensive and trigerring beyond belief, seeing as I am a chronomad with an immense knowledge of his surrounding reality and an outstandingly rich history (see Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History to get to know me better). The song lyrics are hence inherently wrong and offensive and triggering and... _wrong_, and I suggest that Willy Wanker immediately rewrite them before I file a lawsuit against him. Thank you." Skepness Man ranted and even bigger crowd had gathered around him and after a really long awkward silence Lately Pirate after a while asked him.

"You sure you're not related to a troll by the name of Cranky Vasquez?" "Actually I'm his cousin, but that does not define me just as Violet mentoring over me does not define me." He wanted to launch into an even greater speech when he noticed a familiar face kind of like Marrissa Roberts. Skepness Man stood there speechless and the girl walked further and introduced herself. "Hello, I'm Chell Junor Roberts." "Chell Junor-" Skepness Man was even more speechless. "I MET A POWERFUL HUMAN." He suddenly ran out of Portal High School and towards no direction in particular and everyone was looking at Chell Junor weirdly.

Skepness Man ran (but not ran-TED that's a different thing) for really long but what he didn't know is that someone was following him and when he stopped they both had their own introductions. "Skepness Man Beauregarde, I'm Arannabelle Spinneret Sorketine. _(Seriously Written Note: That totally means her initials are ASS. Thanks for noticing.) _I have a long and luxurious name like you. We're so much alike." "Sure, Aranna, think you can help me in my inevitable doom?" "Inevitable doom?" "You know Enchiridion Marrissa? I'm going to die because powerful humans always kill falmer trollz."

"Well, maybe she doesn't want to kill you. Maybe she loves you." Aranna said in her best charming voice and Skepness Man was the most speechless ever in his long undulating life when he finally spoke up.

"ARE YOU GODDAMN SERIOUS."

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

_Seriously Written Note: Sometimes a "to be continued" note is there and sometimes it isn't there. It's really a mood thing._


	17. Timeless Account

_Seriously Written Note: Oh. And a Cantaloupe & California update._

* * *

**POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST**

Chapter 16: Timeless Account

* * *

About a week after finding their quests, Cantaloupe and California stepped out of their hideouts at the same time. California was thinking "_THE TIME HAS COME. I WILL FINALLY DEFEAT MY SISTER FOREVER AND EVER._" and Cantaloupe was more pacifistic as should be expected from her and she did not want to eschew (geddit bcoz there's a "chew" part) her brother because being an alien with candy corn horns and gray skin was so deeply ingrained in her she refused any and all of her duties as a cherub troll._  
_

When California stepped out of his hideout and into the grand city leprechauns were immediately spitting around him claiming that the Knight of Time_ (Seriously Written Note: Marrissa, you should really know that "Knight of Time" is actually Dave and "Sylph of Space" is actually Kanaya.)_ has also showed up alongside with the Sylph of Space so he ran away from the leprechauns.

When Cantaloupe stepped out of her hideout she was running away after zombies because there were just so many of them and no she couldn't possibly become allies with them and didn't want to bring them down. When they finally met they ran past each other's crowds and when they ran out of the crowds they saw zombies killing villagers and watched the spectacle for quite a time.

"_SO. MY DIPSHIT SISTER._" California finally interrupted the uneasy noises of killing and Cantaloupe responded "I've been doing good!" "_EVEN AFTER I CALLED YOU A DIPSHIT._" "Yes." "_YES._" California unsettlingly shouted and then they both looked around the city and the leprechauns and the each other.

After a pause California began. "_READY FOR SOME CHESS. DIPSHIT SISTER._" "Yes!" As such, we played another yet game where California was black and Cantaloupe was white.

1. d3 e5 2. Nf3 d6 3. g3 Nc6 4. Bg2 d5 5. Nc3 Nf6 6. O-O a6 7. Bg5 Bf5 8. Nh4 e4 9. dxe4 dxe4 10. Qxd8+ Rxd8 11. Nxf5 Bd6 12. Nxg7+ Ke7 13. Nd5+ Kd7 14. Nxf6+ Ke7 15. Nxe4+ Kd7 16. Nd2 Ra8 17. Bf3 Rhc8 18. Bg4+ f5 19. Bxf5# 1-0

"_NO. GOD DAMMIT._" California said but then the few remaining leprechaun villagers saw that Cantaloupe won after all and gave her the best prize they could ever found. It was a pair of rows of teeth with a ball inside them and the inscription was "Sylph of Space (Cantaloupe) - Winner of Third Creation Chess Tournament #1" but there was a different inscription that was embossed and couldn't be removed reading "Violet Beauregarde - Junior Chewing Gum Chewing Record Holder" and Cantaloupe immediately noticed it and asked:

"Who's Violet Beauregarde?" "_DUDE. SHE'S JUST AN UNIMPORTANT BITCH. YOU SEE. BITCHES LIKE YOU ARE ALWAYS UNIMPORTANT. ALL THEY EVER GET TO DO IS SMOOCH THE BOYS WHEN THE TIME COMES. AND THE DISTINGUISHED MISS BEAUREGARDE. IS NO EXCEPTION._" "OMFG YOu'RE RANTING AGAIN." Cantaloupe said and ran off to an even farther place. A place so far that no one could ever find her here.

A place which was floating in the air for some reason and only had a single tree and a chest on it.

"Finally safe from everyone." Cantaloupe said and carefully placed her chewing gum award (except she doesn't chew chewing gum that's still Violet's thing kind of like chess is Cantaloupe's thing or being drunk is Roxa's thing) and began doing her stuff just like in Minecraft. She made a complete killing out of the skyblock island and everyone on the below applauded her and California killed them all and set himself up as the one and only monarch of Third Creation.

But then... VILLAGERS FROM A DIFFERENT VILLAGE CAME! But not to California's shitty city no they all ended up living in Cantaloupe's skyblock island. California was hyper mad and built lightsaber guns to shoot the skyblock island out but he was very shitty at aiming so he accidentally shot this universe's star system's blue sun and it exploded and the world suddenly became shredded in darkness except Cantaloupe's skyblock island because it had torches and helicopter wheels which put it into space kind of like the International Space Station.

"_THIS IS IT. THE FINAL STRAW._" California shouted and began reorganizing his barren village as a giant skyscraper that reached up to space. But as California build higher Cantaloupe's village rose higher and as such they ended up passing all the planets of the solar system and when they were passing through Uranus everyone mocked California and his dumb anus and the dumb anuses of some of the villagers.

Upon reaching another star California's entire structure began to crumble though and as he held onto his structure he fell back to Earth but luckily grasped Uranus at time and didn't actually fall to the Earth. His skyscraper continued to crumble though and the entire shell of the Earth was covered by his skyscraper and as such on our solar system and on Cantaloupe's spaceblock island the Fourth Creation began.

In the Fourth Creation Cantaloupe and California became worsh pied as gods and California never gave up the thoughts of a bridge between the two distinct planets so he kept building and building and his anus ended up looking quite funny but building to another star system is worthless when all you have to work with is gas.

TO BE CONTINUED

* * *

_Seriously Written Note: I never write the story I want to write. If I'm supposed to write Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer, because I got a positive review of it after all, I'll absolutely certainly write Spectators of the Host instead._

* * *

_Seriously Written Post-Emptive Note: Copy-pasting a note from Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer:_

Also, for the time being I'm quitting writing trollfics, seeing as my level of English has decreased because of them.


End file.
